Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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