i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
