It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
