how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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