she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
