dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
