maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
