Ambien. No doubt about it.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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