I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Less talking, more tequila
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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