I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
