Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
