awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
