The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
