My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
