is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
