I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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