i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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