ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
