Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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