I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
