you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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