you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
