Nicole vs. Life
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
