When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
