Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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