Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
