I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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