I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
