he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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