I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
