Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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