Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
