Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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