I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
