the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
