i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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