marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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