The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
