listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
