I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
