I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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