You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
