3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
