My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
