Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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