I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
