What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
