dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
