I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
