it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
